The past few weeks have really taken a toll on me. A lot has been going on, and despite all of my self care practices and the little ‘breaks’ I have been giving myself, yesterday it all bubbled over.
My stressors have included a hospital appointment which got me booked in for two operations, the looming court date and all the solicitor’s appointments that go with it, a social event that I have (painstakingly) made arrangements to attend even though I’m not sure I actually want to be there, and Sprog continuing to fight the act of going to school, even after a week holiday. All this plus the late nights involved around Halloween and Bonfire Night (see: neighbours letting off 200 rockets a night between 8-11pm) had my nerves shot. I was regularly feeling more tired and anxious than usual, and needing extra breaks.
The final straw was a mean text message. A deliberately nasty message sent by none other than one of my supposed friends, that was completely unheralded and uncalled for. I went into full on, ugly cry, meltdown.
Thankfully, The Boyfriend arrived for a late night visit just in time to witness me going nuclear. He agreed that I had been overdoing it a little, and that my repeated outbursts of “It’s not fair!” were justified. Some encouraging words were exchanged, for which I was extremely grateful, and when I finished my temper tantrum although feeling a little embarrassed, I felt much better.
I went to bed and slept – I mean really slept. No ruminating over everything that’s going on, no anxiety. Just deep, warm sleep. I didn’t wake once, including when my alarm went off this morning; so when I did wake up at 8am, I knew we were going to be late for school.
Usually I get really stressed about being late – but usually we are going to be late because Sprog does everything in her power to avoid school. This morning I didn’t care. Turning up ten minutes after the bell seemed like a small price to pay for the lovely calm rested feeling that had settled over me. My lack of stressing seemed to make Sprog move a bit faster than usual anyways, and the walk to school was enjoyable, with glorious November sun and the first frost of the year glittering on everything we passed.
So when we arrived, just after the bell, and the teacher asked why Sprog was late, I told the truth. “Sorry, I’ve had a really mad couple of weeks, I slept right through my alarm. Won’t happen again!” I smiled. Normally I feel horribly inadequate turning up late, no matter what the reason, but today I felt almost justified.
I think the moral of the story is that we all hit breaking point sometimes. We understand that our kids have their limits, and if pushed they will go into meltdown mode; parents and humans in general (I think) are just the same. And that’s okay!
Have you had a tantrum lately? Are you due one? Let us know!