Now we all know that comparing your dog ownership to someone’s new parenthood is a complete no-no, and can actually get you certified as a twat with a badge and everything. So I’m not doing that. But while my brother has been staying in my house with his puppy, I can’t help but notice a few similarities:
- Toilet Training: both puppies and small humans have a habit of peeing whenever and wherever they like. Also, they can each be so engrossed in an activity that they forget to go pee where they are meant to.
- Crying: when you leave the room, when you put them down, when they’re hungry, sleepy, bored… Puppies and babies both cry for all the reasons listed above, and probably more.
- Sleep Schedules: being small and not fully developed, both puppies and small humans have a limited energy reserve, and will require frequent naps between periods of activity. Unless of course you are trying to sleep, in which case, both puppies and babies have been known to go to extreme lengths (crying, deciding it is playtime, being dangerous or insisting on being held) in order to keep adult humans awake.
- Teething: My brother’s puppy is teething right now. The process is making her irritable and causing her to chew on pretty much everything (shoes, cushions, clothes, fingers, blankets, dishes) in a manner that does honestly remind me of when my daughter was teething.
- Eating Everything in Reach: we all know that babies will put anything and everything in their mouths. If you were anything like me you had nightmares about your baby coming across a stray coin under the sofa and choking on it. Pups are the same. They will eat ANYTHING they can reach; they are not limited to foodstuffs. I have saved my brother’s puppy from eating a sock, a pair of underwear, a cigarette butt and a lego piece all in the space of 4 hours.
- Cuteness: Let’s face it, puppies and babies are adorable. Even if you aren’t a dog person, puppies are cute. Even if you don’t enjoy being around kids, baby smiles are gorgeous. This may be their main redeeming feature!
- Tired/Stressed/Penniless/Itritable Adults: puppies, like babies, require a lot of care and attention. Maybe not quite as much, but a lot. They are also expensive and sometimes frustrating. Like babies, pretty much everyone in the room is enamoured by them, except the sleep-deprived parent, who is wondering who to pass the small creature to while they take a nap.
- No Private Time: much like a toddler, a puppy WILL follow you to the bathroom. If you have the audacity to shut the door (ya’know, if you wanted to shit in peace) they will wait exactly .2cms outside said door, possibly crying out for you to come back and love them. This goes for all other private matters you may want to take care of, too.
I’ll repeat for the people who are about to complain that I am comparing dog ownership to parenting: I am not. I’m just pointing out that I can spot some humorous similarities!