SHE’S doing it!!!

Do you remember that time when your parents said no to something, and you tried to convince them to let you go ahead by pointing out that “so-and-so is doing it”? Or should I say, the many times, as this is a tactic that develops around age 4-5 and lasts well into the teen years. Do you have the same conversation with your child? “I don’t care what so-and-so’s doing, you’re not so-and-so.” or alternatively, “If so-and-so stuck their hand in the fire, would you do it?” These responses seem to be all I say lately.

Here’s the problem though: where does it end? I don’t want my daughter climbing the fence just because some tearaway is doing it while his mother isn’t looking. That makes sense, but what about when she comes home begging for Disney Frozen on Ice tickets? See, her best friend is going. I don’t have the money for Disney Frozen on Ice tickets – and if I took it out of our meagre Christmas budget I would have to cancel Christmas. So unfortunately, just because her friend is going, doesn’t mean she is.

As adults we have learned (hopefully) and started spreading the message that we should not be comparing ourselves to other people. We should not be lusting after that person’s new Micheal Kors handbag, or that person’s figure. We should not assume that just because other people have other, or even nicer, things, they are happier or better in some way than us. How many times have you been warned not to compare yourself to that InstaMum who looks like she has it all together?

While I actively practice not being jealous and not comparing myself to others, I can’t say I keep the same level head when it comes to my daughter. We have been the butt of a few snippy comments in the playground, after a few parents learned that my daughter (at one point) received extra school funding off the local authority. That extra funding was put towards sexual abuse counselling and play therapy, but they didn’t hear that bit; they heard government handout. When my daughter comes home from a friend’s house miserable that she is “the only one” who doesn’t have a tablet at home, or “the only one” who didn’t go to that thing/see that new film/get that new toy, I really do feel pressured to get her these things. I feel like she is being left out. I worry that she will be bullied for having less. I feel like the other parents are mocking me, and I need to prove myself to them.

On the other hand, I don’t want my daughter to be spoilt. I don’t want her to be stupid enough to think that just because her peers are doing something, she should – how will that ideology hold up against peer pressure when she’s fifteen?! I do not want her to think that just because somebody else has something, she has to have it too – be it because she thinks she deserves it or because she thinks she won’t be their equal if she doesn’t have it. I want my daughter to understand that we make the best of whatever we have, and to have more you must earn more.

So the whiney, frustrated cry of, “But Mum, SHE’S DOING IT!” is a source of serious conflict for me. Do I buy my daughter a tablet for Christmas, knowing that she will live without one and would probably get more use out of the handful of toys I won’t be able to buy alongside it? Or do I stick to my guns, that I don’t give a damn what so-and-so does on her tablet, my daughter is five years old and has no need for that kind of tech? Do I risk her friends calling her a baby if she’s still playing ice cream shop while they’re all playing iPads? Does it matter?

I have no idea, is my answer. There’s the potential for Mum Guilt on both sides. What do you think?? My daughter’s Christmas hangs in your hands! Help a girl out! 

6 thoughts on “SHE’S doing it!!!

  1. Mom Of Two Little Girls says:

    Honestly, my 3 & 5 year olds have tablets. It’s embarrassing to admit. We bought them because we travel a lot, in the car. I’m not talking 1 hour down the road, I’m talking 2 days drive one way!
    Unfortunately my spoilt little brats won’t touch their tablets at home and only want my iPad or iPhone! At their ages they know the difference!
    Part of me wishes i had never got them their tablets! They are addicted to those stupid kids channels on YouTube. My eldest is a serious screen freak.
    I would put it off as long as possible. It’s a slippery slope!
    Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    • emotionalpseudonym says:

      To be honest she is right when she says everyone has one, and I can reeeeaaaally see why it would be a big help to me – I’m on my own here and any distraction is helpful. I just feel like she only wants one because other people have one, and that’s an attitude I think I should discourage 😕 parenting in this techy age is a complete minefield!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Mom Of Two Little Girls says:

        Very true. There are benefits to them – it’s not all tat, there are very good educational activities and apps out there! I never pay for apps, I only get he free ones.
        I try strike a fair balance with my kids though. They can only play for so long then I expect them to go play outside or do some colouring etc.
        Do what’s right for you and her, stuff the rest of them.

        Like

      • emotionalpseudonym says:

        Well that’s what I had in mind, heavy rules around the tablet and carefully monitored content. I suppose it could be argued that I will grow with her unlike toys, but I can’t help thinking we never had tablets as kids and we turned out just fine! Maybe I’m being an oldie 😂 I’ll look into it some more I think! Try and work out what I would get her if not the tablet, see how that stacks up!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. MUMCONVENTIONAL says:

    Personally I would buy her one (of course, only if you can afford it, otherwise she will learn to have unrealistic expecations). Its completely different to when we were young now, I remember the family computer was this big box that took about an hour to come on and had dial up connection, and my first phone was in black and white and a present (or handout) from my mates dad. I loved both.

    I know for a fact if I had the option to use an ipad I wouldve been over the moon. There are a lot of educational things online for children, and a lot of schools use ipads now. They even have them in my local mcdonalds! As long as you moderate everything, there shouldn’t be too much of a problem. I think its just a bit worrying as its a sign of how quick they are growing isn’t it 😦

    How about getting her the Amazon one which is £50? My 9 year old sister has that and loves it! X

    Liked by 1 person

    • emotionalpseudonym says:

      Knowing that she will be exposed to tech in all sorts of places is what makes it seem silly to not have one. I guess it does make you realise not just how fast they are growing up but how advanced technology is getting – it all moves so quickly! I know my Mum wouldn’t even consider me having a mobile before the age of 16, and I don’t want to come across to my daughter that way because it felt unfair to me at the time.
      I will be having a look into the Amazon one as that’s a much more palatable price! X

      Like

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