I’m Feeling 22

I’ll start by apologising for getting that song stuck in your head, but I really needed it for the title of this post. I am 22 years old, and the new year has got me feeling my age – which isn’t actually the best way for me to feel right now.

We’ve had a year in our new home, cutting ties with court cases and social workers and learning how to stand alone and what works for us. Sure, Sprog has a bit of an attitude problem lately and I don’t always pay the gas bill on time, but overall we seem to have daily living figured out. The problem is, what’s next?

It has dawned on me whilst trying to figure out my goals for this year that life has come to a standstill. We have recovered from all the trauma, and then stopped. I now find myself in the same situation as a lot of my early-twenties peers, in that, I have absolutely no idea which direction my life needs to be heading in. Unlike many of my peers I have not just stepped out of college, I do not have a degree behind me and I do not have the luxury of relying on my parents to babysit or pay the rent. This means that taking up study or work isn’t an easy task – I can’t just do it because our carefully balanced budget and routine will fall into chaos.

I don’t know what I want to be doing in five years, or ten, but I do know that I don’t want to be in the same place I’m in now. A lot of people (friends, family, professionals) have suggested law as a career path that I could excel at. I’ve never wanted to be a lawyer. It isn’t something I dreamed of as a child. Still, it’s a sturdy career path, and who better to help people go through court than somebody who has been through it themselves? I like the idea of helping people; that is, after all, the purpose of me sharing my experiences on this blog.

Of course, any form of work or study is going to involve shuffling our routine, and maybe braving the scary element of childcare. As uncomfortable as the thought of leaving Sprog with anybody makes me, it might be a really good thing for both of us. Childcare works for thousands of parents and their children, so surely it could work for us? I’m trying to feel optimistic.

So this year I invite you to follow me as I work out how one manages childcare after a child has been abused, how to get back into work or study as a single parent, and where I want to be in the future. I think I have a lot to learn, and I hope I can help some of you out along the way. 

2 thoughts on “I’m Feeling 22

  1. Mom Of Two Little Girls says:

    Looking forward to following your journey. I am 35 and still don’t know what I actually want to do – the scariest thing is my daughter is starting to express a desire to be just like me – a mom & wife. Scary.

    Liked by 1 person

    • emotionalpseudonym says:

      It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone, but yes, it’s very scary when they start talking about how they will do just the same as us. I think every mother in the world wants her kids to go further than she has – even the ones with huge careers!

      Liked by 1 person

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